


Ten Things About Alex Danvers

by acoolusername



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acoolusername/pseuds/acoolusername
Summary: Ten facts about Alex Danvers in her coming out journey.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a work of fiction. Like so many people, I have been completely in awe of this entire character arc for my baby Alex, and I just wanted to explore a little deeper into it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. If anything, Alex Danvers totally owns me right now...

One.

Mrs. Morrison was Alex’s first real crush.

Of course, she didn’t realise that at the time. When you’re in fourth grade, unless you’re impatient, embarrassed, excited or nervous, you don’t even really know what too many other feelings are.

Alex sat in the second row, always having to lean around unnaturally lanky Nathan Dunborn, who had unfairly procured a seat, front and centre. Mrs. Morrison would walk up and down the front of class, touching the blackboard with the long, wooden pointer every few moments as she chatted away about the subject matter. She would touch the sentence she had read out, tap words she put emphasis on, point out students…

She wore a skirt every day, no matter the weather, the hemline coming to a stop just below her knees. As she prowled up and down the length of the board, or wove her way through the desks, Alex watched in admiration at the way the muscles in her calves flexed. She admired the definition of her clavicle as she leant over to answer a question from the textbook they were pouring over.  Her posture was strong and her aura confident. Alex would have to remind herself not to stare sometimes. Her Mom had warned her that staring wasn’t polite. But Alex liked looking at her.

Mrs. Morrison liked to make puns, always spent the first ten minutes of class asking five select students how their weekend was first thing Monday morning, and had a way of making each student in class feel like they were special. She was firm, but kind, and had the respect of everyone in the school.

Alex always liked to try her best, but in Mrs. Morisons class, she wanted to _be_ the best. The first time she got her A plus, for a paper on American history, Mrs Morrison pulled her up to the front of class, put an arm around her and lavished her with praise. It was like a drug; the thrill of her approval was something Alex couldn’t get enough of. She spent so much time trying to get that again (and she did, seven glorious times in fact). It didn’t take long for her classmates to start rolling their eyes behind her back, giving each other knowing looks whenever Alex’s hand shot into the air, eager to be the one to answer the question asked.

But Alex didn’t care. Mrs. Morrisons piercing blue eyes that sparkled whenever their gaze met was too good not to strive for.

After the year ended, when she moved from fourth to fifth grade and had a new teacher called Mr. Coleman who looked like he ate cheeseburgers every day for breakfast, Alex would still make a point of visiting Mrs. Morison during recess or lunch, just to chat, or talk about her new classes, or anything really.

After a few months, after the term “brown-noser” started to get around, Alex stopped the visits. She was mildly crushed when Mrs. Morison didn’t even seem to miss them.

 

\------

 

Two.

Alex’s first boyfriend was Mathew Clements.

If you could even call him a boyfriend. But her friends did, so Alex went with it.

The whole thing was almost out of her control, in a way. Ever since the start of seventh grade, she’d been noticing that girls would giggle at boys. Alex was baffled as to why; they weren’t doing anything particularly funny. They would snigger when boys swaggered into class five minutes late. They whispered behind their hands to each other when boys did laps of the football field during gym class. They exchanged knowing looks as they hung back behind, following the boys while arm-in-arm.

It was like she’d missed some sort of memo; an induction into being a teenager that told you to behave this way. Finally, Alex had had to ask someone what the hell was going on.

“I don’t get what’s so funny,’ she said, exasperated, at breakfast one morning.

Her mother smiled at her in a knowing way. She reached across the table and put a hand on Alex’s. She explained again how this was a confusing time for every teenager, and that it was okay not to understand everything yet.

“It’s just what girls do,’ Eliza shrugged.

It wasn’t much of an answer. She also sprouted phrases like “just a late bloomer” and “you’ll understand someday”, but Alex didn’t want to wait for someday. She wanted to understand now. So the next day at school she decided to eavesdrop into what the girls were saying.

Alex heard them mention things about sparkling eyes, and some skateboard trick spectacularly executed last weekend at the park. Alex remembered that day, and she had to admit it had been pretty impressive to watch Lachlan Waters not fall on his butt after such a large jump. Was that all it was? They were just super impressed by all of them? Now that Alex thought about it, there _were_ little things about most of the boys in her year. She’d just never taken the time to notice.

When she heard them mention something about Mathew Clements shirt, and the way it hung off his broad shoulders, Alex leant in and whispered:

“I saw him without his shirt the other day. He has really toned arms.”

The girls all looked at her in surprise for a moment, before bursting into giggles and drawing her into the huddle, desperate to know more details.

A fortnight later they were at a school dance. Alex was standing by the punch bowl, wearing the dark blue dress her mother picked out for her and pretending to find the topic of Luke Egerton’s new haircut as interesting as the girls around her did.

They were halfway through the chorus of a Jennifer Lopez song when he emerged from the crowd of dancing bodies. Mathew Clements was wearing a mismatched, ill-fitting suit that still somehow managed to look good on him, and walked right up to her.

“Hi,’ he smiled.

Alex straightened up and glanced at his outstretched hand.

“You wanna dance for a bit?”

She could feel the excitement pouring from the girls around her. One of them nudged her forward. Not used to her new heels, Alex stumbled forward and grabbed his hand to steady herself. And the next thing she knew, his warm fingers curled around hers and she was being led out onto the dancefloor.

He wasn’t the most popular boy in school, but the girls like him because he was funny, and had nice, shoulder length blonde hair. As they danced, Alex was surprised to discover that he actually was pretty funny. He had a dry wit that teased but didn’t mock. And he was polite, asking her if she’s okay, and if she wanted anything to drink, and if her feet hurt in those shoes and did she want to sit down. She spent quite a few songs dancing with him.

So when he called her two days later, asking if she wanted to join him to see that new movie out called Shrek, she agreed.

He paid for her ticket, and after the movie he took her for ice cream. Alex actually enjoyed his company. It was a welcome relief from all the unnecessary giggling at least. He liked horror movies, just like her, and he listened to everything she had to say.

They went out a few more times before he actually kissed her.

They were standing out the front of the arcade, waiting for their parents to come pick them up. He took her hand gently in his, and Alex only has a moment to process the feeling before his lips were pressed against hers.

It only lasted for a second. He pulled away to gauge her reaction. Alex didn’t know what to do. Her cheeks were burning and she felt her lips tingle where he’d kissed her. She couldn’t do anything but let out a little laugh. He seemed to take that as encouraging, because he lent in and did it again – this time with more enthusiasm.

Alex responded with what she hoped was good technique. She hadn’t had any experience with this, but she’d seen enough movies to know the basics of what to do. She felt Mathew's hand at the back of her neck, and his lips parted, and thinking this was what happened next, she followed suit. Alex felt his tongue softly beg for entry and she allowed it.

It was over pretty quickly. When they finally broke apart, Alex saw a happy-dazed look on his face. He looked like all his dreams could come true. Alex just felt like she’d just swallowed too much saliva. Was that really it?

They kissed a few more times, on other dates, before he finally asked her to be his girlfriend. And she said yes, she’ll be his girlfriend, because he was nice and good to her, and _because that’s just what girls do_.

It only lasted a few more months. He once tried to feel her up underneath her shirt at a house party she technically didn’t have permission to be at. They had snuck into the pool shed at the back of the house, and after a few long minutes of making out, they had lay down on the pool lounges. But when he touched her chest, a jolt of something passed through Alex’s body like a flash of lightning and she smacked his hand away, saying she’s wasn’t comfortable.

He didn’t dump her because of this. He dumped her because he ended up developing a crush on a girl in the year above and didn’t want to be unfair to her.

The girls all rallied around her, offering words of sympathy, and of disdain for the male sex they spent so much time giggling over.

With forced frowns and sighs, Alex hid her relief that it was over.

 

\----

Three

The first few times she stayed over at Vicky Donohue’s place, she slept on the couch.

Vicky’s room was small, most of the space taken up by the enormous glass cabinet that held all her gymnastics trophies she’d been earning since she was five years old. There were only a few more square feet left for a small dresser and her own bed – not enough room for a mattress on the floor.

Whenever Alex stayed over, they would sit on Vicky’s bed, talking until all hours of the night, until Vicky would yawn one too many times, and Alex would get the hint and slump off quietly back through the house to the living room.

But one night, they were sitting on Vicky’s bed again, watching reruns of The Simpsons and using Alex’s laptop to look through Myspace pages of their classmates. They laughed at every single one of Malcom Henneseys photos from the party the week before. In every single picture, his chin was tilted up and he was giving the peace sign in what was supposed to be that “I’m super cool” pose. And it probably would have been, if there wasn’t a giant booger up his nose.

“I can’t…’ Vicky wheezed, clutching her side. ‘I can’t believe it… _in every single photo_ …”

“Why didn’t anyone tell him?’ laughed Alex, wiping her eyes.

Vicky clicked to the next photo, and there it was again. The same pose, just with different people, and Vicks burst into another round of barely controlled mirth.

“ _Shh_!’ Alex covered Vicky’s mouth with her hand. ‘You’re going to wake your Dad!”

“Mkmh,’ Vicky laughed into Alex palm, then wrapped her fingers around her wrist and pulled her hand away. ‘Okay! Okay!’

Alex snapped the laptop shut, and checked her watch as Vicky yawned and lay down on the bed. “Two in the morning. Where did midnight go? I’ll let you sleep…”

“No!’

Alex only managed to stand up half way, before a hand grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her back. The edge of the mattress hit the back of her knees and Alex fell back, landing clumsily on top of her friend. Vicky half-laughed, half-grunted and shifted over on the bed to make room for Alex. Even though she was right up against the wall, there still wasn’t much space. They were pressed right up against each other.

“I’m not tired yet,’ Vicky insisted.

Alex smiled and rolled her eyes. “Fine. But when we sleep in tomorrow and you don’t want to go for that run anymore, don’t come crying to me.”

Vicky rolled onto her side and snuggled into Alex side. Her arm snaked around Alex’s waist; her leg linked around Alex’s thigh; she could feel her breath as she nuzzled her nose into Alex’s neck.

Alex froze. It wasn’t like she was any stranger to physical affection. Both her parents had been big huggers. And although Kara was still getting the hang on it (sometimes her enthusiasm got the better of her. Alex still had the shadow of a bruise on her ribs after Kara had come home with a good grade from the school project Alex had helped her with), she too was quickly fitting into the dynamic.

But this was different. She couldn’t put her finger on it. It wasn’t the fact that Vicky was hugging her. It was the way it was making Alex’s body tingle all over. It was the knot in her stomach that seemed to clench and release over and over.  It was how her heart was beating so hard in her chest, that she was surprised Vicky couldn’t feel it too.

Despite her saying she wasn’t tired, all too soon Vicky was snoring in her ear. It took a long while for Alex to fall asleep too.

The next morning, she was still thinking about the night before, and how deeply she’d slept. Alex had shared a bed like that with Kara some nights, when Kara had nightmares. She would end up lying beside Kara until she fell asleep (she never stayed, because sometimes Kara would flay about in her sleep and had broken her headboard too many times for Alex to be that stupid), and then wake up in the morning, feeling on edge.

Sleeping next to Vicky had felt calming. It had felt good.

It didn’t happen at every sleepover from then on. But when it did; when it got so late that they couldn’t even keep their eyes open anymore and Alex would complain that the living room was too far away; or when she would just close her eyes and when she felt Vicky brush hair out of her face; or when she would roll away on her side, knowing that Vicky had assumed she had fallen asleep and didn’t have the heart to tell her to move. Alex would wake up the next morning, feeling that feeling again and again.

When her and Vicky had that huge, stupid fight a few months later, one of the big things Alex knew she would miss would be those sleepovers.

 

\----

 

Four.

Jeremy Costa was Alex’s first boyfriend in college.

She'd met him at a frat party her dorm mate had dragged her to. He was the one who had hardened her pallet, previously only having ever tasted cheap wine and vodka, with whiskey and bourbon. He was the one who let her ride on the back of his motorcycle, igniting her enthusiasm for the two wheeled, black streaks of speed that would someday get her around all of National City.

Alex had managed to make it through the entirety of high school without going all the way. Not that boys hadn’t tried. She’d had one or two more potential boys between Junior and Senior year, not to mention some other random boys that she had met at one party or another. But while she’d come pretty close, she’d never been able let herself go that far.

It wasn't really a cause for concern. Alex simply assumed she wasn’t ready. Like her mother had said, a late bloomer. Besides, the boys had been pretty inexperienced too. It felt nice enough when they kissed her neck, or ran fingers down her back underneath her shirt, or any time one of them was lucky enough to catch her at the right moment to let them put a hand down the front of her pants. But on those odd occasions they never seemed to know where to find anything, despite her direction – and one of them was in her Biology class! Their hands fumbled and they were always too eager, taken over by hormones.

The experience was always much more enjoyable when she did it herself.

But Jeremy Costa was different. His kisses weren’t sloppy. He was soft and deliberate. His hands were firm when they came to rest on her hips, or cup her cheeks as he brought her face toward his. He knew when to be gentle, and when to push. He listened to her body language. He could tell what she liked when she gasped and flinched, and wasn’t distracted by his own urges.

Alex found that she didn’t mind reciprocating either. He had toned arms and a sharp jaw, and his big brown eyes sparkled whenever he saw her in the hall, or walked into her dorm room and spotted her studying at her desk.

He was actually quite beautiful, and when he brought her back to his own dorm room one night after a nice dinner and few cheeky swigs of bourbon on the hood of his car, Alex was slightly surprised to find herself feeling excitement rather than a sense of foreboding.

All too soon they were on his bed, and she could smell the night air in his hair and taste Wild Turkey on his lips.

“Are you sure?’ he panted with his hand up her shirt, and her legs wrapped around his hips. “I don’t want you to think…”

“No,’ Alex kissed him again, feeling encouraged by the alcohol pulsing through her veins. ‘I don’t think that. It’s okay.”

Jeremy frowned at her for a moment, before she gently nipped his earlobe (a sensitive spot she had discovered a few weeks prior) in encouragement, and all conversation was lost.

It was over pretty quick. It seemed like no time had passed at all when Alex rolled onto her side, turning her back to Jeremy in the dark. His hand came to rest on her hip, and in no time at all he was snoring softly in her ear.

Alex stayed awake a lot longer than him, her mind a whirlwind. She was a little sore, but other than that felt no different. She remembered Vicky telling her about _her_ first time. Vicky had happily lost hers to her first boyfriend in Junior year, and had called Alex almost immediately after at two in the morning one Saturday night to regale every detail. Vicky had made it sound like an awakening; like a whole new perspective on life had exploded to life in her consciousness. She’d said her entire body was still covered in goosebumps.

The only goosebumps Alex could feel were on her left calf. It was hanging out of the covers.

Wasn’t she supposed to be feeling limp with exhaustion? Feel spent from ecstasy? She’d come – Jeremy had brought her over the edge before finishing himself, which Alex thought was very gentlemanly, considering stories she’d heard in the past about boys – but again, it wasn’t anything she couldn’t have done herself.

It had taken a long while for the strong feeling of wanting to call Vicky to ebb after their fight, and it had been almost as long since she’d felt it at all – but she felt it right then. She just wanted to debrief with someone. But instead she just lay there, listening to the slow inhale and exhale of Jeremy snoozing behind her.

Two weeks later, during a free period, Alex found herself a nice quiet spot out on the quad and called home.

It rang a few times before…

“Hello?”

“Hi Mom, is Kara there?”

“I’m great, Alex, thanks for asking. How are you?’

“ _Mom_ …”

“Okay, okay. Hold on, she’s upstairs. _Ka_ -… oh, here you are…’

Alex snorted. She could hear a muffled “it’s your sister” as the phone was taken away. Kara no doubt heard her from her room. 

There was a rustle, and then, “Alex!”

She could hear her little sister beaming at the other end of the line. Alex found herself grinning too. Despite their rocky start, she and Kara had become very close. Kara’s boundless enthusiasm and optimism was like being wrapped in a warm blanket, and handed a steaming cup of coffee, making everything else going on feel like it was suddenly a million miles away.

After a few minutes of small talk, Alex dropped her voice and muttered, “Are you alone?”

There was a _whoosh_ , and then Kara replied, “I’m on the roof. What’s wrong?”

Alex bit her lip. She'd wanted to talk about it all with Kara. She'd wanted to tell her that she’d had sex, and not just once but three times now. But Kara was still so innocent, despite being almost sixteen (and really, chronologically almost forty), and even though Alex knew for sure that Kara was well away about sexuality and all that business, Alex wasn’t sure she wanted to be the one to break the bubble.

“Nothing’s wrong,’ Alex said.

“You’re lying,’ Kara replied, sounding concerned. ‘I can hear it in your voice.”

“I promise,’ Alex urged. ‘I have everything under control.” When Kara made a nonplussed sound, Alex quickly added, ‘You sent me an email last week, remember? Who’s Michael Crawford, and why is he leaving weird crap in your locker? Do I need to come home and have a conversation with him?”

Kara sighed, her breath hitching. “He’s just some boy in my geography class. And it’s not weird, they’re just notes.”

Alex frowned. “What do the notes say?”

There was another _whoosh_ , and Alex pictured Kara dashing back to her room to grab said notes.

“This one says ‘Do you like Snack Packs?’… oh, this one was funny, he wrote a joke. Do _you_ know why the skeleton didn’t go to the dance?”

“Because he didn’t have the guts.”

“Oh you know that one?’ Kara took a moment to laugh again. ‘This one just has drawings of unicorns on it.”

“Like the unicorns on your notebook?”

“Actually, yeah.”

Alex pursed her lips to smother her smile. She then proceeded to tell Kara about teenage boys, and the seemingly odd things they do to get a girl’s attention. Kara was understandably confused and amused, regaling stories her mother had told her of how she had met her father, and their courtship rituals on Krypton.

While Alex instructed Kara to go get a pen, and listed a number of teen movies for her to watch to get what Alex is trying to explain to her (television had proven to be a very effective way for Kara to learn a lot about Earth), she mused to herself the relief she felt for the first time in weeks. The knot of anxiety in her chest had uncurled. She was glad she didn’t need to talk about the details with Kara for Kara to make her feel better.

Alex was also glad that she wasn’t the only one totally mystified by boys.

 

\----

 

 

Five

After Alex kisses Maggie… after Maggie rejects her… after Kara lets her sob into her shoulder and finally leaves after Alex promises that she’ll be fine… Alex put on her headphones, and drank.

It didn’t take much to find a suitable playlist on Spotify. It was the same punk rock stuff she used to listen to when she was a teenager, when she’d get so mad at her Mom for having different standards for her than she did for Kara, or at her Dad for leaving, or with Kara for some stupid reason that the only outlet she could really have was music. _Loud_ music.

But she wasn’t a teenager anymore. And she had neighbours. So she shoved her headphones on her ears, turned it up as loud as she could bear, and went to pour herself another drink.

Alex had already had nearly two glasses by the time Kara had knocked on her door. Combining that, with the feelings of rejection, sadness and embarrassment that were fighting for dominance inside her, it didn’t take long for her to get drunk.

It was just too much to handle. It was like her entire life had been on slow motion, and then she’d met Maggie and her reaction to her had been so instant, and so intense, that it was like someone had pressed fast forward, and life was suddenly speeding away out of her control.

At first it had been exciting. She’d ridden the wave toward what she thought was going to be a happy destination. Maggie had been all Alex could think about. And thinking about Maggie had made her feel things she had felt once or twice before. But never this way… never so intense…

It had been like constantly being zapped by jolts of electricity. And that was just late night musings. When Alex would remember how Maggie swaggered into any room with a straight back and almost smirk at the corner of her lips; how Maggie cocked her head playfully when she looked up at Alex, clearing enjoying herself as Alex uncharacteristically stuttered a retort to any teasing comment Maggie made, Alex's entire body would quiver.

These moments were nothing compared to when Maggie was actually, physically there; the way she nudged her arm to grab her attention when they were infiltrating a scene, guns cocked and shoulders tight; to when Maggie shoved Alex playfully out of the way at a crime scene, calling her a nerd; to when Maggie had snaked her palm down Alex’s forearm, and taken her hand, linking their fingers in a firm grip.

Alex screwed her eyes shut and took another long swig of Makers Mark, trying to numb the tingles. The sounds of an old Offspring song were blaring in her ears. Alex clenched her jaw and nodded her head along to the beat, staggering around her living room as she tried to dance and internally scream her sadness away. It was just like she’d said to Maggie – it really did feel like being a kid again. Was this what Maggie had meant by everything being shiny and new? Even the pain?

When Alex felt something hard knock against her knee, she finally opened her eyes. The room was spinning. She’d walked right into the coffee table. The remainder of her drink had spilled onto her hand.

With a throbbing knee, Alex put her drink down and staggered into her bedroom. She fell down on the mattress, pushed her headphones off and curled into a ball. The room was on an incline, and she felt slightly sick. But she could still hear the music blaring from her headphones, and when she closed her eyes she was asleep all too soon after.

 

\----- 

 

Six

 

Ever since both Kara and Alex had come out as Alien and DEO Agent respectively, Eliza had decided she was uncomfortable with the fact that she clearly knew so little about her own daughters lives. So she had insisted they begin a tradition: Family Dinner.

Originally, Eliza had wanted to make it once a week. But Alex had told her this was impossible; both her and Kara’s work schedule were far too unpredictable to be able to commit to that. So after a lot of compromising over a Facebook chat, they had come to the agreement that she and Kara would visit once a month.

Alex had spent the entire week leading up to this dinner in particular feeling a knot of anxiety tighten inside her. She had too much to tell her mother, and didn’t even know where to start.

“Maybe we shouldn’t tell her about Jeremiah,’ Kara suggested over the phone the morning prior. ‘Not just yet. Not until we have something concrete.”

“Shouldn’t we at least tell her he’s okay?’ Alex countered. ‘What I have to say isn’t nearly as important…”

“Don’t do that,’ said Kara soothingly. ‘Your news is just as valid. I’m not saying we shouldn’t tell her at all… we should just wait.”

Alex wasn’t entirely sure she agreed. But she let Kara have the last word on the subject, instead insisting that she didn’t need Kara to fly her there that night and she would just take her bike instead.

She arrived at their childhood home in Midvale promptly at seven pm, a moment before Kara dropped out of the air, landing with a thump beside her.  

“Darn it,’ Kara growled, seeing Alex retrieve two bottles of wine from her backpack. ‘I forgot to pick up dessert!” When Alex reached into her backpack again and pulled out a packet of small apple pies, Kara sighed happily.

Eliza had always been a good cook, and she’d made one of Alex’s favourites – burritos. Eliza liked to alternate between making Kara’s favourites and Alex’s. It was a nice gesture; one Alex appreciated.

Dinner was pleasant. Kara talked a lot about her new ambitions of being a reporter, just like Clark. Alex discussed the new advances the DEO had made in cellular replication, a theory her mother had only just started hearing about at her own laboratory. 

When they finished dinner, and Eliza brought up the topic of men and if Kara was still into James Olsen, Alex downed the last of her third class of wine, launched herself out of her seat, and hurriedly proclaimed that she would do the dishes.

“Just rinse them and put them in the dishwasher.” Eliza said, waving a hand dismissively.

Alex stopped as she collected Kara’s plate. “You have a dishwasher?’

Kara laughed at Eliza’s shrug. “I got sick of the doing them.”

It was nuzzled under the sink, just like Eliza promised. Alex took her time to stack the dishes. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, and she briefly wondered if she could text J’onn and convince him to call her back in ten minutes, feigning an emergency.

Kara came in to check on her a minute later. She poured herself another soda from the fridge and threw Alex, who was still knelt down by the dishwasher, a look.

“You’re stalling.”

“So what if I am?’ retorted Alex.

Kara sighed, shut the fridge and held her hand out for her sister. “This was your idea. You said you didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

Alex clenched her jaw and hesitated, before putting the last plate in roughly, turning the machine on and taking Kara’s hand. She squeezed it tightly in a grip she knew would make anyone else flinch. They held hands the whole way back through to the table. Eliza didn’t comment. She was used to them being affectionate with each other.

She did comment when she noticed Alex pour herself another glass of wine.

“Honey, are you okay?’ Eliza asked. ‘I’m not judging you, but the last time you drank this much at dinner you were about to tell me you worked for the DEO.”

Alex let out a hoarse laugh and took a long mouthful.

“Oh, God,’ Eliza ran a hand through her blonde hair. ‘What is it? Is it about your father?”

“No,’ Alex felt a churn of guilt in her gut as she said it. ‘It’s… about me. Again.”

Eliza sat up in her seat and glanced at Kara, who just nodded encouragingly. Alex watched as Eliza looked back at her, seemingly having an internal debate within herself. Alex knew she was going through a dozen possible scenarios of what it could possibly be.

After a long moment, she exhaled slowly through her nostrils, and with a controlled voice said, “I’m listening.”

Alex too sat up in her seat, and took another quick sip of her wine. “Well… uh…’ she felt the words catch in her throat. This was going to change everything. It was the last time her life was going to be the way it was, and Alex was going to hold only the last few seconds as tightly as she could.

She looked at Kara, who gave her the same nod of encouragement she had just given her mother.

“You know… how I haven’t dated much in a while?”

“I didn’t think working at the DEO would leave you much time for dating,’ Eliza laughed. Alex could see the relief on her face that this was the topic they were going to discuss, not another life altering secret. If only she knew…

Kara laughed too. “It can be challenging when you hang around rogue aliens all day.”

Eliza looked at Alex with sudden surprise. “Have you met somebody?”

Alex squirmed uncomfortably. Kara put a hand over her mouth as Eliza gasped loudly.

“You have!’ Eliza looked triumphantly between both her daughters. ‘And here I thought Kara was my only hope. Come on then, tell me everything. What’s he like?’

Alex glanced at Kara; her little sister nodded again, telling her it’s okay.

“She,’ Alex sighed loudly, her voice shaking. ‘ _She_ , Mom. I’m… I like women.”

Eliza blinked in surprise again. She glanced between Kara and Alex, then settled back on her eldest. Alex was trying not to shake. The tension was building in her gut. What was she going to say? Why wasn’t she saying anything?

Finally, Eliza sighed and held her hand out on the table, palm up. “Oh, Alex… come here.”

Alex put her hand in her mothers, and felt the tension ebb as her mother’s squeezed gently.

“Is that…’ Alex paused, ‘… is it okay?”

“Of course it is! Sweetheart…’ Eliza shifted her chair to sit closer. She squeezed Alex hand again and brushed hair out of her face. ‘I love you, and if that’s who you are then I love you even more for just being honest with me.”

Alex sighed heavily. Her shoulders relaxed and she let Eliza pull her to her feet and into a hug. She could see Kara over her mother’s shoulder; she was watching them with teary eyes.

“I want you to be happy. I just wish,’ Eliza smiled, pulling back, ‘that you had told me sooner.”

“I only really just figured… wait,’ Alex frowned. ‘You don’t seem very surprised.”

Eliza shrugged as they sat back down. “I had suspected.”

Alex exchanged an incredulous look with her sister. “Since _when_?”

“Oh I don’t know… junior high? When you said you couldn’t figure out boys,’

Alex let out a laugh a ran a hand through her hair. This was absolutely not how she thought this was going to go. She had imagined several scenarios, the worst of them being that Eliza was horrified and told her she didn’t want to speak to her again (even though deep down she knew this was unlikely). Despite her saying she’d suspected all along, her casual acceptance, like this was no big deal, was more than Alex could have asked for.

“So…’ Eliza poured herself another glass of wine, and sat back in her chair, ‘… tell me about this woman, then. She must be pretty special to catch Alex Danvers’ eye.”

 

\-----

 

Seven.

 

A few weeks after her and Maggie decide to be friends, for real this time (not just because Alex tried put on a brave face), Kara decided she’d had enough of seeing Alex still slightly dejected and announced that it was time for a girl’s night out.

Kara was vague on the details. She just gave Alex an address hurriedly scribbled down on a scrap of paper, and told her to meet Kara there at  nine pm, before shooting out the always open window at the front of the DEO building to deal with some scumbag bank robbers.

Alex ended up working overtime. She was going through some bloodwork, trying to identify a new rogue species of alien that was leaving slimy piles of ooze all over the city. So by the time she finally got out of the lab, she was already running late. Alex changed quickly into her jeans and black shirt, ran downstairs to the garage to jump on her motorcycle, and rushed across town.

“I was just about to call you,’ said Kara as Alex pulls up. Kara hadn’t dressed up much either, which made Alex feel much better about herself. ‘Everything alright?”

Alex pulled off her helmet, and ruffled her hair back into what she hoped was a presentable state. She took a moment to assure Kara everything was fine, and then looked around and where they actually were. It wasn’t like their usual bar, the alien bar where they had been frequenting a lot lately. But it was still kind of isolated, down an alleyway that you could easily walk past and not think anything of. And was definitely a bar or club of some kind. Alex could hear the music, and feel the bass reverberating through the asphalt and up into her belly.

“Trying something different?’ Alex laughed.

“Something like that,’ Kara smiled, and gestured for her to follow.

The bouncer didn’t card them. The walked straight in, paid the cover charge (Kara’s shout) and headed down a small flight of stairs before finding themselves in the middle of a dimly lit bar. Music was blaring from speakers all around. There was a dance floor packed with swaying bodies. The entire right side of the room was taken up by a long bar, behind which were half a dozen bar staff, moving up and down as drink orders were shouted at them.

It took Alex only a moment to realise what made this bar so unique.

It was filled with women.

Alex turned to Kara, who is looking at her with a mixture of apprehension and excitement.

“ _Kara_ …”

“I know what you’re going to say,’ Kara said hastily, ‘but just give it a chance, okay? I asked around. Apparently this place is one of the best!”

Alex sincerely hoped that by ‘asked around’, she didn’t mean she asked Maggie.

She put her hands in her back pockets and look around, feeling awkward. How was she even supposed to talk to anyone here? What if they, like Maggie, could sense the inexperience in her and didn’t want anything to do with her? What if they _did_?

Kara patted Alex on the shoulder. ‘I just thought maybe you’d want to give it a try? It can’t hurt. But,’ she added, when Alex doesn’t respond, ‘if you really don’t want to… if you’re not ready…”

“Just,’ Alex muttered, knowing Kara could still hear her despite the loud music, ‘buy me a drink and then I’ll decide.”

The smile was back. Kara beamed at her and then led her toward the bar. Alex had to turn sideways to slide between all the bodies. A lot of eyes turned toward her, and Alex felt her cheeks burn. Was there slime on her face she had forgotten to wipe away?

Kara handed Alex her bourbon and leaned on the bar, waiting for her cocktail (even though Kara couldn't get drunk on human made alcohol; she would always buy a large cocktail to keep up appearances, and because she liked the strawberry flavour) to finish in the blender. Alex downed her drink in one gulp, and handed the empty glass straight back to the smirking bartender.

“First time here?’ he asked. At Alex’s frown, he shrugged and poured her another glass. ‘You can always tell the newbies.”

“Fantastic,’ Alex muttered. She took her drink back, resisting the urge to throw it back again.

“Just relax,’ Kara encouraged. ‘I’m right here with you!”

Despite her discomfort (a feeling slowly disappearing thanks to the Jack Daniels) Alex smiled softly at her little sister. It really was so very sweet of her to try.

As the night went on, Alex did relax. Kara started discussing her day, throwing in the odd complain about Snapper Carr and lots of comments about Lena Luthor, and the anxiety in Alex’s chest eased. It really _was_ just a bar. Alex had been to enough in the past to know the difference between a good one and a dive, and this one was definitely the former. Whoever had told Kara about it had been right. The drinks were reasonably priced and the music was actually pretty good, and once Alex started looking away from her sister and the floor, she noticed that there were lots of attractive women around.

Nobody really came up to them the first night. Alex didn’t mind. She was happy just to have a sister hang with Kara.

They went back a week later. Alex knew Maggie wouldn’t be there, and its half the reason she didn’t mind going back. Maggie liked their regular bar too much.

The next week they were finally approached. A blonde woman with a tight, black dress sidled up beside Kara and introduced herself as Melanie. Kara shook her hand, introduced herself and then gestured proudly to Alex.

“And this is my sister!”

Melanie’s eyes widened. “Oh… your _sister_. Well, then… would you both like to come sit with me and some of my friends?”

She led them to one of the booths, where five more women sat, all as impeccably dressed as Melanie. They made room in the middle for Kara, who made the introductions again. Two of the women were very interested in everything Kara had to say, and made a point of commenting on how soft her argyle sweater was.

Alex watched with amusement, before she realized someone was standing next to her.

Her name, Alex quickly learned after a handshake and an offer to buy her a drink, was Leslie. Alex was instantly taken by her friendly smile and long, auburn hair, and Kara was too engrossed in conversation for Alex to be able to get out of the interaction anyway.

Two hours later, they left the club. Alex made comment that she was probably too drunk to ride home. Kara smiled at her. She snaked one arm around Alex middle, grabbed the back of her motorcycle with her free hand, and lifted them up into the air.

It had been so long since Alex had flown with Kara that she had forgotten how good it felt.

“Those girls we so nice!’ Kara called over the wind. ‘I liked them!”

“They liked you too,’ Alex laughed.

“I saw you talking to that girl for a long time,’ Kara remarked playfully. ‘What was she like?”

Alex felt the napkin, upon which a phone number had been jotted down, burning an eager hole in her pocket.

“She was really nice,’ Alex answered.

“Think you’ll see her again?”

Alex smiled and admired the light of the city passing beneath them. “Maybe.”

 

\-------- 

 

Eight.

 

Alex did go on a few dates with Leslie. She laughed easily, worked in finance, owned a French bulldog and preferred red wine to white. Alex liked her company, even though she found it difficult at first to find things to talk about that weren’t alien related. It took an entire second date for her to find things about herself that she could share that wouldn’t give away what she really did for a living, but Leslie didn't seem to mind. She just assumed Alex wasn’t great at talking about herself, which wass only half true.

When she was at the bar, playing pool with Maggie one night, and took a moment to look at her phone while Maggie took her shot, she saw a text from Leslie.

_Had fun last night. Are you free next Wednesday?_

Alex smirked, and was about to respond when Maggie suddenly appeared beside her. She thrust the pool cue toward her.

“Your shot. Who’s that?”

“Nobody,’ Alex hastily shoved her phone back in her pocket. Maggie’s eyebrows rose in suspicion. Alex could feel her eyes on her as she hastily took the pool cue, eyed up the angle, took her shot and sunk her ball.

“I hear you went to Marakesh,”

Alex looked up. “How did you…?”

“Lesbian community is small,’ Maggie smiled. “ _So_ ,’ she pressed when Alex didn’t bite, ‘what did you think of it? I used to go there a lot, but then I found this place.”

Alex handed Maggie the cue over the table. “It was fine, I guess. Kara brought me.”

“That’s nice,’ Maggie laughed.

“They thought she was my girlfriend,’ Alex laughed at the memory.

“That’s a bit awkward. Meet anyone?”

“Yes,’ Alex’s voice shook when she answered. But she didn’t want to be embarrassed. She wanted Maggie to be impressed.

From the look Maggie gave her, she was. She pursed her lips and nodded. “Nice work, Danvers. I was too shy to talk to anyone my first time.”

“You? Shy?’ Alex had a hard time believing that Maggie was ever shy about anything.

“You going to see her again?’ Maggie leaned forward to set up her shot. Alex tried not to look down the front of her shirt as she did so.

“Actually, I have seen her again. A few times.”

Maggie took her shot. She missed. She straightened up and considered Alex for a long moment. Alex held her gaze, too stubborn to look away.

“Oh,’ Maggie said finally. She nodded, smiled and handed the cue back to Alex. ‘That’s good. I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there. She’s a lucky woman.”

Alex wanted to throw a joke back; tell her to calm down and that it was only a few dates. That’s what friends would do, right?

She shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. She put the ball in the corner pocket and straightened up with an amused quirk at the corner of her lips.

“You’re totally going to be buying all night.”

Maggie sighed. “Like I hadn’t already worked that out.”

When it didn't work out with Leslie past date five, because she eventually got tired of being left in the dark about why Alex was so "aloof" and "off on another planet", and why she had to leave so suddenly all the time, Alex didn't feel too sad about it. But Maggie was there with a sympathetic ear and a bottle of Heineken anyway, telling her that it's cool and she should just get back on the horse and try again. 

Alex wasn't sure if she imagined the spring in Maggie's step as she walked her back to her bike at the end of the night, or not. 

 

\------

Nine

 

A few weeks later, they were storming an abandoned warehouse in the dead of night, looking for an alien fugitive. Guns cocked, footsteps light, Alex listened to the chatter in her earpiece; Kara was circling the building overhead with J’onn.

“I see you,’ Kara murmured. ‘I’ve got you both. Head upstairs.”

“Copy that,’

Maggie jerked her head toward the metal staircase up ahead. Alex nodded, and shoved past Maggie to take lead. She heard Maggie tisk in annoyance at being forced to stay back, but Alex didn’t care. She was bigger and quicker, and if something was going to happen, she wanted it to happen to her first. Mishdons were apparently pretty ruthless – big, tall and exceptionally quick for something so large, which is why Kara was keeping an eye out for any sign of sudden movement.

The landing above them groaned under some immense weight. Alex stopped half-way up the stairs, looked over her shoulder and down past Maggie to the team of suited-up agents. She made some hand gestures to indicate their instructions. They all nodded and hurried off in their teams.

“I think you need to call Supergirl down,’ Maggie whispered behind her.

“She’s watching,’ Alex murmured in reply.

“Yeah but even if she sees…”

Alex didn’t hear the rest of what Maggie said. She heard Kara yell, ‘Alex look out!’ in her ear a split second too late. There was a sudden, powerful force, like a truck, that struck her in her chest. All the wind was knocked from her lungs. Alex gasped for breath and felt the world tilt. Something hard suddenly slammed in her back, and her chest was on fire again as she tried to draw breath.

From somewhere, sounding like almost a mile away, there’s another scream of fury. Someone called her name, gunshots rang out… and then there was nothing.

\---

When Alex came to, the first thing she felt was pain. Her entire body was in agony. When she opened her eyes and looked down at herself, she could see her shirt was gone, and her torso was bandaged up. There was a tube sticking out of her arm, attached to a drip to her left. The back of her head was throbbing painfully.

As she tried to sit up, a cool, firm hand rested on her upper arm, holding her in place.

“Don’t move.’

They were back at the DEO. Kara was still in her Supergirl outfit. She looked down at Alex with a mixture of exhaustion and relief.

“What happened?’ Alex groaned.

“You fell.’ Kara clenched her jaw, pulling herself together before continuing. ‘The Mishdon wasn’t alone… there were two of them. It was so quick. It knocked you over the railing and you fell – hard. I’m so sorry Alex, I was watching the other one… I didn’t even see…”

“Hey,’ Alex took Kara’s hand in hers, giving it as tight a squeeze as she could muster. ‘It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“You’ve got a concussion and bruised ribs, Alex, you are _not_ okay.”

Alex waved a hand dismissively. “I’ve had worse.”

Kara sniffed a little laugh and wiped her eyes. “Thank Rao for Maggie. If she hadn’t been there…”

“Maggie?”

“She shot the Mishdon. Actually, she emptied an entire clip into it. I’ve never seen her so angry. J’onn wasn’t impressed. He had to drag her away from it in the end.”

Alex looked around the room again. “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. She came with us in the truck when we rushed you back here, then she said she had to leave and finish her report.”

Alex thought about this a lot over the course of the rest of the day. When the physicians came in the next morning and tried to tell her they wanted her to stay another night for observation, Alex quickly rounded off her own medical qualifications and ranking and, quite frankly, told them all to stick it because she was going home to have a shower.

When she was finally sitting on her couch with a cup of coffee, and Netflix loading on her television, there was a knock at the door.

“Kara, it’s open. I’m too sore to get up, just come in.”

The door opened. It wasn’t Kara.

Maggie shut the door quietly behind her. Alex sat up a little, feeling self-conscious in her pyjamas.

“You’re okay,’ Maggie said flatly, almost as if trying to convince herself rather than ask a question.

Alex nodded. “Thanks to you, I hear.”

Maggie’s jaw was set. She crossed her arms over her chest and shuffled awkwardly on the spot. “You should have let me run point.”

“And if I had, you would have been lying in a hospital bed instead of me, and how do you think I’d be feeling about that?”

“I think I have a pretty good idea.”

Maggie stepped forward, and sat down next to her on the couch without any invitation. Now that she was closer, Alex could see the dark circles under her eyes. She looked like crap, and in any other situation Alex would have jokingly told her so. But she also looked like she had something to say, so Alex just sat there, waiting for her to say it.

“Sorry I didn’t stay at the DEO. But seeing you… like that…’ Maggie began, looking into space, ‘I couldn’t stand it. I _couldn’t_ …”

Words seemed to fail her. Alex reached out and took Maggie’s hand. Maggie let out a short laugh and looked Alex right in the eye.

“I told you, you’re important to me. And I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, especially without you knowing that…”

A thrill surged up Alex’s spine. She sat up straighter, eagerly, and her muscles groaned in protest again but she didn’t care.

“Knowing what?’ she pressed.

Maggie didn’t say anything else. She leaned forward suddenly, and just like Alex had done weeks before, pulled her in for a kiss. Alex’s neck and shoulders hurt but she ignored it. Her chest flinched in protest from her sharp intake of breath, but she didn’t care. Maggie’s lips were firm against hers, claiming her. Her thumb was stroking her cheek, her fingers tickling nape of her neck, twirling in her hair...

“I was an idiot,’ Maggie whispered when they finally broke apart. ‘I said I shouldn’t get involved because I was worried about it not working… because I like you, and I didn’t want to screw it up…”

Alex cut her off with another kiss, this one more fervent. Maggie moved closer, and Alex wanted to pull her into her lap, feel her entire body pressed against her. This was the feeling she knew everyone meant when they talked about their boyfriends. This is what she had been missing, why she felt she was just not built the same as everyone else. It had just been with the wrong people.

Maggie was the right kind of people. The right _person_.

“Shit,’ Maggie said suddenly, pulling away again. ‘I’m sorry… your ribs…”

“It’s okay,’ Alex laughed, but she couldn’t hide the wince from the pain radiating from her chest.

“Let me get you an ice-pack.”

Maggie rushed to the freezer. Alex invited her to stay and eat popcorn and watch Netflix, and Maggie curled her knees up and held the ice-pack in place, while Alex sprawled out along the couch, resting her head in Maggie’s lap. Alex wasn't one hundred percent sure if it was the pain meds, or Maggie's fingers softly stroking her hair that send her off to sleep, but she's pretty sure she could guess.

 

\-----

Ten

 

The first time Alex sleeps with Maggie, she finally understands.

Vicky Donoghue had been right, after all. It was an awakening. A whole new perspective on life that had almost exploded in her brain, illuminating areas of her life she’d kept in the dark for so long.

Not that she would ever tell Maggie that – Maggie already had enough of a cocky air about her, lest Alex stroke her ego even more about how mind-blowing she was.

There hadn't been some romantic moment, leading up to it. They had been at the bar, play pool as always. But after their kiss on her couch, and a few other make out sessions since then, Alex had had no problem blatantly staring at Maggie as she leant over the table to take her shot. She didn’t have any reservations about Maggie standing right behind her, peering over her shoulder and breathing in her ear as Alex tried to line up an angle.

Finally, it got to the point in the night where Maggie proposed they just go back to hers because she was sick of losing, but mostly because she had a bottle of whiskey generously given to her by someone she’d worked on a case for, and it was just gathering dust in her cupboard.

They had barely made it in the door before Maggie’s hand was up her shirt.

They didn’t even make it to the bedroom. Maggie had Alex pressed firmly up against the wall almost instantly, her knee between her thighs and her lips on her neck. Her breath was hot, coming out in short gasps as Alex’s hands wandered freely over her body, pulling her closer, revelling in the feeling of Maggie grinding and squirming against her.

Somehow they ended up on the couch, Maggie in her lap. They laughed together as Alex tried to take Maggie’s jacket and shirt off at the same time. Maggies hair fell around both their faces, creating a curtain, blocking out the rest of the world, leaving only feeling and sensation.

“If this is…’ Maggie broke away, breathless, when Alex unbuckled her belt, ‘… if this is too fast…”

“ _Oh shut up_ ,’ Alex breathed, and grabbed Maggie’s face and brought her back down for a kiss.

Not long after, when Maggie was lying on top of Alex, their limbs intertwined and breathing hard, Alex wondered if it was always this good for everyone else.

But no-one else had a Maggie, so she highly doubted it.

 

* * *

 


End file.
